Saturday, 16 August 2008


I never remember my dreams. Last night i had a dream that i wish i didn't remember. 

My brother, his girlfriend and I had taken Ellie-May swimming at the Pyramids Leisure centre in Southsea. It was all very exciting - they have 3 water slides, and one is very fast, or atleast it seemed so when i was small. Anyway, we rushed off to go on the slides as we didn't get to go on them last time we went with Ellie-May. Whilst queuing for the slide (The Snake Slide) my Aunt came up to us, and spoke to me directly. She asked where Ellie was. We didn't have a clue. We had totally forgotten about her. My Aunt spoke to me as if she was suggesting that it was my fault we had lost her. I can't actually remember what she said to me, but what she did say sounded suspicious, almost like she knew where she was but wanted us to suffer and feel terrible for leaving her. I recall her saying something like 'You're supposed to be a team and look after her', and i responded with 'I'm not the only one in this team' as if trying to share the blame. So, i went looking for Ellie and couldn't find her anywhere. 

Whenever i think of bad happenings, my mind goes one step too far and i picture the worst possible thing that could happen. 

The Leisure centre has a wave machine in the largest pool. It works by water being sucked in and pushed out through large metal bars about 1 meter below the water level. When my brother and I visited when we were young, our feet would get sucked into the bars and we would play with the water current. I imagined how a baby would cope with this - only to have images of Ellie's blue face and body rebounding off of the bars like a doll, as the water pushed and pulled.

This made me feel sick. 

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